last

I just wanted to be honest with you...

tell you how it feels
to finish last
or third to last
or second to last
or really last
sometimes I wonder what last is
is it going last, finishing last
feeling last
or just feeling like you need to outlast

and I can't take away from your accomplishments
and you know that I care for you
and I'm proud to be your friend
but just know
that it hurts deep
when I'm unable to win, place or show

I've always been picked behind
bullies and thieves
never minding the curse
my own talent believes
I've sat the bench
unwilling to bend
but I'm only in this
to show words that can mend
I'm wanting to heal
from the poise of my lips
to show you
that I'm not too far away
from what really
fucking rips

I alienate with attitude
until you see my true heart
I shield like a fortress
that protects me in part
never wanting to give away
my secret plan
I tend to derive meaning from
being "the man"

but I think it's because I'm lonely
and scared
never wanting to show you that I'm
naive and unprepared
in ways of love
and lust and light
away in the valley
that stalks my solo night

I never imagined being here
as I am
vulnerable, searching
living this new plan

I once ran a half marathon
I finished last
I had breakfast with all the
best runners the top of the class

I can't run the roads like
a Clydesdale anymore
but I run my mouth
and crash in through your door
I may finish last
but I'll never stop my voice
from carrying the weight
a generation played on to by choice

running it, writing it,
I'll never stop
even if I read last
finish last
I'll always outlast
because my mouth runs with the wind
and I still have breakfast with champions